Some Memorable England Away Moments

Here's what some of us have been up to.

Tuesday, 08 April 2008

France

Wow what a start! Everybody turned up on time and those that had to collect their tickets did so in plenty of time, until I reach passport control then hear "Simon have you got a spare ticket I've lost mine!!!" this was no more than 5 minutes after giving them to him.

Anyway the trip over was all good and reasonably well behaved, I spent most of the time on the phone sorting out Trinidad.

From the Gard Du Nord we walked down to the hotel and amazingly didn't lose anybody in one off the numerous bars we passed.

Checked into the Hotel which really was top class, although apologies to those that had to wait with us as not all the rooms were ready (we had arrived before the hotels official check in time). Some people were luckier than others and ended up with a suite (hope you enjoyed the accommodation Paul Wilson).

After it was time to hit Paris, Some people did the sights some went and signed in and some (well ok most) found the bar, as per usual in Paris the prices varied vastly the cheapest round costing me €4.50 the most expensive costing €15 this was for just 2 drinks!!

The Wife was well on her way by the time we reached the game and she spent most of the time trying to focus on the pitch then the screen.

After the game (when she had sobered up) I suggested meeting up with the lads for a couple of drinks then back to the hotel, "ok she said" so off we went we found the others in an Aussie Bar of all places playing cheesy old school house and dance.

Well as the night wore on (the couple of drinks thing forgotten) the Wife and several of the lads end up dancing on the tables and at some point with the campest dancing GUY I have ever seen. Any pictures of said people will stay hidden and this is one time what goes on tour stays on tour really means it!!

In the morning people immerged from the hotel in various states of hung-over ( the said wife just about crawling out of the Hotel and she apologises to those that saw her the night before!) and we made our way up to the Eurostar for what was a nice quick journey back to London, it would have been a nice quiet journey if you didn't have the only person in the history of the world who after spending VAST amounts of Euros on "Making Friends with the local working ladies" and has had about 2 hours kip, decides to SHOUT not talk all the way home! It got so bad that certain members of the group retreated to the Bar!!

Nearly forgot there were also plans going on for what may be the 1st England Fans Travel WEDDING taking place in Tobago (although the lady involved does need to be told of this yet so watch this space!!!)

As far as Paris goes it was a very enjoyable trip.  

Russia

 As with several other trips this was great apart from the 90 minutes in the middle.

We arrived on Sunday afternoon after a small delay in taking off (30mins) after finally having fought our way through the slowest passport control in the world we were able to exit the airport to be greeted by what can only be described as perfect Russian weather. The snow was falling in a blizzard like fashion, it had to have been at least freezing point, the pollution was heavy in the air caused by the Lada’s everywhere. In record time a number of our party had emptied their luggage and put said clothing on in a bid to keep warm.

Our bus turned up to take us to the hotel and what happened next was well shall we say an experience. It took 3½ hours to get there on what should have been a 45 min journey ( mad drivers and 6 rows of traffic squeezed into 3 lanes of motorway) a bit of advice to you people that didn’t travel, if you do visit Moscow in the future, travel light and use the train and Metro.

 Check in went smoothly even if I could not get my head around just how big the hotel was, and a number of the party making it to the bar before checking in!

 Monday morning after breakfast was spent trying to round a few people up to go and do the tourists bit. They were found in various locations all over the hotel, from still being in the bar, getting out of the shower, finishing off breakfast, in the casino, to the best reply to where they were “ I will be down in a second just getting rid of the ‘young lady from last night’ then when they turn up in reception “best £100 I have spent this year”.

 Off we went and spent the day seeing Red Square, the Kremlin and all the other bits and bobs in the area. Followed by another enjoyable night spent consuming large quantities of  beer and vodka.

Tuesday morning came and we had agreed previously that we would all meet and travel to the embassy together to get our match tickets, however thanks to the previous night only four of our made it and we managed to travel the longest route for a five minute walk ever. Tuesday afternoon/ evening was spent with the wife looking around the famous Arbat streets and then on for a nice meal ( for those of you that don’t know me I don’t normally take the wife to the football as I feel its ‘my thing’ and also she stays at home with the kids, but when this game was drawn she immediately said “I’m coming to that, it’s the home of VODKA”).

This was supposed to be a quite night ready for the next day but upon arrival back at the hotel another bottle of Vodka was opened and when finished it Sarah pipes up lets have another one.” Of course I went along not wanting to be rude but it became my undoing. If I spoke to any of you on Tuesday night then I am sorry you had to put up with me. This led to me having my first hangover I can remember.

 Wednesday morning was a little blurry. However after being dragged out for a brisk walk round the local park and a swift hair of the dog (thank you Sarah!) all was well.

Wednesday afternoon the coaches turned up, as did the majority of  the passengers so we then had what must have been the slowest police escort ever to a ground.

We all know what happened in the game and after the police actually seemed to know what they were doing and got us back to the hotel nice and quickly.

After watching our step around the outside of the hotel for the last 3 nights because of the locals picking people off when caught in small numbers. It seems the locals got  brave and as reports have it, chased one lad right up to the main doors only to come face to face with the 2000 English that were drinking in the lobby area and were promptly chased off back down the subway. After a couple more small incidents all was quiet and we were just having a good drink and enjoying ourselves when the funniest thing I had witnessed happened. Three lads went diving through what must have been 5000 balloons and sending them flying into the hotel lobby, the security was panicking and running around grapping the balloons and throwing them outside.

 Thursday was just waiting around for the coach back to the airport although some went off to have a look at the Kremlin. Glad to say everybody got home on time (almost 45 mins delay) and safely.

 

QUOTE OF THE TRIP

 

Bloke 1 calls up friend after having just woken up “what you up to?”

Bloke 2“we are just going into the Kremlin”

Bloke 1 “what’s that? A shopping centre?”

Laughter all round and lots of piss taking later.

 

Bloke 1 will remain nameless as he did not seem to have any recollection of this conversation and did later on reckon he knew what the Kremlin was.

 

Just a quick thank you to everybody who travelled and made it such a memorable trip for us. Also a BIG thank you to my wife Sarah who helped me no end in the organisation of everything and everybody. (And for not laughing too much at the first hangover she has ever seen me with.)

 

Bring on Austria.

 

Rugby world cup

 Well despite the French trying their best to make it as hard work as possible for me to sort these trips all went ahead smoothly and everybody seemed to enjoy themselves I know I did and met some great people (and some mad ones) As I Am no expert on Rugby I will allow you your own judgement on what went wrong against South Africa and right with the rest of the games.

 

By the time anybody reads this we will know if we have retained our “WORLD CHAMPIONS” title or have once again failed to turn up against the Springboks.

 

Thanks to all of you that contacted me about a trip over for the final but as I was out of the country for the week running up to it there is know way it could have been organised sorry.

 

Thanks also to those who offered me a lift over when they realised I was not running a trip.

 

Brazil

Well most of you would have been there so will not say to much about the game.

But after travelling around England to various stadiums (though I think the FA's GPS could only find Old Trafford) it was nice to get back to the home of football Wembley!!

Great Stadium! loads of room! and the transport in and out was spot on!! Just a shame about the beer and food prices.

Estonia

Gutted having had this booked for best part of a year my babysitter falls ill and I cant go, though the rest of the lads went and had great time though I hear Ian has a whiplash injury due to all the women walking past.

The game was as expected we scored they didn't!!!!

(thanks to Martin the nice Estonia we had been in contact with turned up with the tickets as promised )

Andorra

Didn't go to this game as we thought it would be full of idiots and from the reports we heard we were right.

Ok game nice to see us scoring again.

Israel

Good trip, Great women & weather, best not to talk about the game which was pretty boring.

Holland

A GREAT TRIP ONCE AGAIN RUINED BY 90MINS IN THE MIDDLE

If you were there then you cant remember! and what goes on in Amsterdam really should stay in Amsterdam.

Any of you not remembering the game LUCKY SODS

 

Croatia

The less said about this trip the better. For all those on it I am really sorry things turned out the way they did at least we had a laugh and saw the game (would not have minded missing it).

 

Macedonia

The first trip we have done by air!!!

All went well with everybody turning up and making it on to the plane, the pick up and transfer to the hotel was nice and smooth, the hotel was good (even hotel branded condoms free in the room).

After a quick shower it was time to sample the delights that Sofia had to offer.

To sum up the beer and food was cold & hot as it should be the women were just a little rough around the edges ( jumping out of bushes and snarling "you want sex" never seems to work for me so don't know why Bulgarian women should think they are different) Everybody had a late night and a good time (some better than others, but the less said the better)

Wednesday morning all up bright and early  for the coach to Skopje, all was going well when we came across what I can only describe as the most stringent border crossing I have ever seen after 2 hours we were finally free to carry onwards towards our destination (Note: if you ever use the crossing from Bulgaria to Macedonia make sure you have money for the toilet and for the vodka(£16 for 3Ltrs)).

When we finally arrived we were greeted by a very strange sight on one side of the river are bars covered with the St Georges cross and on the other a local market in which as we were stopped in traffic a guy decides then is a good time to break a chickens neck on the roadside. After we had recovered from the shock of that its off to the bars where even after they had tripled the prices a round of drinks was less than a fiver. Don't know what they put in the water in Skopje but we all agreed we have never seen so many stunning women in one place ( great if you are single but as a married man I of course did not even notice them!).

We took the points but the less said about the game the better.

After the match it was all aboard the coach for the journey back to Sofia to catch the plane and to bring to an end another great England trip.

 

Portugal

Well what can be said the stadium was fantastic, the atmosphere was great and if it hadn't been for a cheating Portuguese pretty boy we would be through to the next round.

Oh well here is looking forward to the Euros.

Ecuador

I decided not to travel for this game and spend some time at home with the family oopps I think I made the wrong choice!

To my beautiful wife & children I am very very sorry and love you all very very much (to those of you that know me you know what I'm talking about, for those of you that don't then sorry you will have to guess)

Sweden

Well Sexpest (look i have Viagra and the Eros centres address)  & Bedhunters are out in force again so it is riotous journey all the way to Cologne when we arrive we head up to the main square and up go the flags again, what is it with Millwall one flag goes up followed by 10 more! This is the wife's first away trip so I have to show her what its all about so after trying the local brew I take her off to see the sights, we start with the cathedral walk all the way around it showing it to her from every angle (well the cathedral and Brentford's ground have something in common, a pub on every corner) after this she is bored oh shit I think she's seen the shopping centre but no she say's " this local brew is awful go by a bottle of vodka and some red bull" GOOD GIRL I knew I didn't marry her just for her model looks, perfect body & stunning personality (hi honey love you) after strolling round for the rest of the afternoon slowing getting through the said Vodka we head off to the fans fest.

It is set on the bank of the Rhine with 2 huge screens and they serve beer (the Germans have gone up in my opinion) 2 hours till kick off and the atmosphere is cracking 35 - 40000 English singing 3 lions, vindaloo & World in Motion Priceless!!!

The less said about the game the better but hey we topped the group and we would of taken that on June the 9th I a little gutted as I have tickets for the next 2 games if England finished 2nd but hey ho lets go and enjoy the party anyway.

Trinidad & Tobago

Well this trip promised to be a little quieter as the Bedhunters stayed at home (couldn't take the pace), once again the bulk of the coach was Millwall Plymouth and the mighty (well we once were) Oxford after a reasonably quiet coach trip we arrived in Strasbourg to what can only be described as searing heat but hey ho no use complaining shower and straight into the old town to watch some football and try to drink the city dry! Now here comes my travel tip DON'T go to Strasbourg if you don't like bikes they are F**king everywhere and this is coming from somebody who grew up in Oxford the bike capital of England. After 3 - 4 hours of checking out the local inns are local beverages it was time for some local French food and boy do they know how to serve a kebab i.e. it comes with a beer!!  As darkness fell it was time to find somewhere a little livelier, well we walked & walked & walked but apparently when the university closes so do most of the night clubs (during the week anyway) so after much trawling around with frequent stops for refuelling we end up in a karaoke bar that is so small we must have taken up half the bar and we were only about 10 handed by this point. The drinks are ordered but come out looking like something from a gay bar all straws fruit and lightsticks??? never mind when in Rome do as the English do throw the crap out of the class down it in one and order 10 beers! The rest as they say is History (aint that right mister Elvis Purnell)

The next day is an early start (7am) no bad hangovers so we are all on the coach and arrive in Nuremburg at about Midday, parking is better only about 5 minutes from the fans village so stop there to get refreshed about (75 beers all in all) then into town BUT wait what do we spot on the way to get a cab? The sun bus, well you have to go and have a look don't you? you never know that page 3 girl who has been searching for me her whole life may be there and I cant let an opportunity of a lifetime (for her meeting me) go to waste so over we wander and yes 2 of the girls are there so after lots of persuading I give in and allow them to have their picture taken with me. Then as if I haven't been bothered enough the Budweiser cheerleaders come out give us a quick dance routine and then they to hassle us all for photo's so again we do the right thing and pose with them for some photo's, little did we know this was going to become one of those days wherever we went people (normally members of the fairer sex) would stop us and say please mister sexy drunken English man please can I/we have our photo with you and of course being the gentlemen that we are we posed and most of the time smiled for them.

When we get into the town centre it is rammed with English and the flags are flying from every space going this is what makes England away special.

As kick off approaches those with tickets go off to the ground and those without head for the fans fest, well me being a little under the influence end up with those who have tickets when I haven't oh well go with the flow! I let the lads go in (ok I stopped for a beer with some random German who was buying) and when I finally stroll up to the security cordon this is it I think best get directions to the fans fest but then the alcohol takes over and my mouth starts going 20 to the dozen  next thing I know is I am through  and up to the turnstile, this is it I've got so close don't ruin it Simon I am saying to myself so I pick the friendliest looking person there walk up come out with the best bullshit you have ever heard, flirt outrageously with them then after 5 minutes HE lets me in! YES YES YES I've just blagged my way into a game at the world cup what a result. I head for the first open to the stand look confident and stroll straight past the stewards down the stairs spot a free seat and plonk my happy arse down. I look around and realise I am in the corporate hospitality area what a view.

Well the game wasn't great but the atmosphere is better than the last game and again we win AND I didn't pay to see it!!!

Knackered the trip home is quiet and uneventful roll on Sweden

Paraguay

Well the first trip has come back in one piece, well most of us did. We lost 3 people in Luxembourg 2 with severe hangovers and did not want to travel and 1 missing in action (last seen going off with 3 lads!!!)  He swears he spent the night with a young lady but the reports are he was walking funny upon his return to England. Apart from severe sleep deprivation all of us are ok.

The famous Chelsea BedHunters led by the infamous Sexpest Mark & the slightly soiled Spitfire were on fine form for the duration of the trip. Thanks lads don't think I have laughed so much in many a year

We had a blinding time in Frankfurt, the atmosphere was something else (except in the ground! bloody prawn sandwich brigade), we found Becks on draft! (the beer not the footballer) and we got the three points. What more could you want out of a trip. Roll on Trinidad.